Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament.

um. yeah.

That's right.

hell yeah.

Because nothing says Happy Birthday quite like eating with your hands, cheering on Combat Club alumni-turned-knights, and eating with your hands. In a big castle off I-90.

I've been to Medieval Times before, back in the seventh grade, when I still wore braces but was just discovering the wonders of eyeliner. I had a crush on our knight. He had long, flowing brown hair. But another girl in my class caught the rose he threw into the audience, and I never fully recovered from the betrayal. I haven't seen either of them since.

the knights.

We had a coupon for buy-one-get-one-free tickets for the dinner and tournament (Honestly, I don't know what Murdo and I would do without coupons. Probably stay home and eat fried rice every night.), so we decided to round up about twelve of our friends for my birthday weekend and party like it's the 11th century.

i'm ready to feast.

OK, so I know it's like a food photography sin to use a flash. But we were eating in the dark! I had no choice! I had to share with the world the feasting that took place in that glorious, bloody arena!

By the way, the following pictures may not look the most appetizing. There's a reason why you're not supposed use a flash when taking pictures of food. And there's also a reason they make you eat in the dark at Medieval Times...

tomato soup. with awesome garlic bread.

Oh, OK. It wasn't that bad. The tomato and rice soup (I mean, "dragon tail soup") was decent, and that garlic bread was awesome. Very buttery. And garlicky. And toasty. Probably one of my favorite parts of the meal. Second only to the roasted chicken.

i ate this chicken with my bare hands.

There she is, in all her glory. Juicy. Tender. Just what you'd expect from a nicely roasted chicken.

roast chicken, one spare rib, and a potato

Then there was the potato ("dragon's egg") and the spare rib ("rat's tail"). The potato was basically a giant potato wedge. Kind of cold. And dry. But I still ate it because it was the only non-meat on my plate. I really wish they would've served a vegetable. Did they not have vegetables in the Middle Ages?

And that spare rib. That lonely, pathetic little spare rib was definitely the worst item on the plate. I don't even know why they bothered serving it. Again, a vegetable would've been a nicer choice.

our red knight. he lost.

There's our knight. He lost. What a jerk.

murdo's plate. destroyed.

After we destroyed our food, our male wench served us Mcdonald's apple pies for dessert. I got an extra because it was my berfday. And then Murdo gave me his...after he took a bite.

look like mcdonald's apple pies.
murdo eats a pastry.

*Sigh* My true knight in shining armor...


  1. Glad you used the flash - loved seeing what the food looks like there. Can't go wrong with garlic bread and roasted meat. (except maybe when it's a paltry little rib -ew)

  2. Great post, but your words do not do any justice to just how awful that one lousy spare rib was. Rubbery, chewy, cold and all around nasty. Wtf were they thinking?

  3. Hmm...perhaps the spare rib truly was a rat's tale? In which case maybe it was really a delectable sample of rodent!

    Love the pictures of Murdo! But none of the birthday girl? I think we'll have to fix that with some cinnamon buns..

  4. shanna - i recommend going for half-price. it's a good time. but don't pay full price. please.

    murdo - i think it's safe to say that was the worst spare rib EVER.

    jenny - yucks to rat tails. yayz to cinnamon buns!


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